Many have doubted that the day would come. But the day is here and now. The day where I call quits on that fairytale I kept in my mind all this time, a narrative that has overstayed its welcome. I tried to find a way back in March, but it eventually came to its timely demise five years in.
It has ended. The spell. The curse. Whatever you want to call it. It’s been broken. It’s done. It’s over.
Truth be told, I’ve often wished for these feelings to just vanish into thin air one morning… and one magical morning on the 28th of July, they did. I didn’t fall out of love; I feel indifference.
Unless you have been living under a rock or unless you and I are not acquainted well enough, you would know that I have had quite a substantial hangover over my ex. For whatever reason. But it has come to a pass.
How, you might ask me? Well, it was a simple dream that I had the night before that brought me magical closure to all the pain points that I had left. I guess even my psyche wants me to get over this mountain — and with the dream, it hasn’t been subtle about it.
But hey, it was just a dream — why would that change anything?
Well, dreams can change everything. Because feelings change everything. At the end of the day, it matters how you feel. And knowing that I’ve got her out of my system is a feeling I thought I’d never get to become familiar with.
There is no hatred. There is no anger. It’s just indifference. Maybe a bit of hope that the said person will stay on a successful path — and does not need to come across mine ever again.
I am happy and content. I have made my peace that I can’t uphold the promise I gave my dad on his deathbed that she be the girl I marry.
And that is something that I could not have said in quite some time.
So no, this is not the song three cheers for five years wherein longing and regret kicks in. Rather, these are lines I write, for the last time… acknowledging the beautiful story that happened. From all the cats, and all the care, and all the growth together.
Three cheers for these five years and thank you for the memories.
May the force be with her. Always.
And with that, I guess I am finally ready for the next baby steps I’ll take outside of this obsession.