The Journey Home, at last.

It’s been over 5 years that I have been on this journey. Searching for the treasure under the rainbow, trying to work my ass off along with it. It’s been half a decade that I have felt incomplete and lacking.

I lost my dad along the journey, lost myself, and my heart multiple of times. Not so long ago, I started 2022 already on shaky foundations. Pondering on the idea that the partner I had then was not the right one for me. But that would sound way too one sided. I wasn’t the right person for her as well. The thing is, our goals didn’t align, not just that, but my head was stuck in the clouds.

My year was spent pretty much with my head in the clouds, worrying about $$$ and my financial upkeep, and leaving other things secondary. I thought providing for the basic needs at home would be enough… but it isn’t, not by a long shot.

Though I know my heart loved true, I was still mostly obsessed by finding closure to my journey home. And home, I did not find with the said person.

It wasn’t until I bumped into my current partner that I have struck gold. And I don’t even mean to say the cliche things like she could be it. Rather, I have finally found my home, at last.

After the breakup, I stayed back in the common space I’ve shared with my ex. I wouldn’t say that I long for her, no, but rather, that the place has been constantly reminding me of my own failures as a partner. I needed a fresh start. I needed to get moving again and find a new home.

And that is, returning to the home where everything has started. For ages, I have lived “outside” of our family home. Either on the balcony room, the other building on the lot, and so on. But starting today, I have returned back to the place that I grew up in. The ground floor of the Germansion.

A pattern has emerged as of late. Theya wasn’t the first to nudge me in the direction of hey, all riches in the world won’t compensate for absences in other aspects, but it has been a thought that started way back prior her as well. I’ve been chugging away at life, missing out at living because I have been too busy half worrying and half assing where I can source income from next.

Life is but a fleeting moment, and my age shows this for sure. I started out writing online when I was a teen, and here I am at thirTEEN one.

I feel sorry not for the relationships I have lost, definitely not. For each one of them was a beautiful chapter of lessons and I know that I am in a good place in that respect. Rather, I feel sorry for myself for not living in the moment anymore and worrying too much and enjoying life too little.

Home has always been in front of me. Home has been in my daughter, in who my partner is at any given moment, and in my mom who is still kicking ass at her high age. This is something that won’t be the case forever, though. And that is why, with my return back home, I vow to make 2023 all about family.

Enough of having my heads high up in the trees, not seeing the sprout in front of me that needs further nurturing and growing from my end. Enough of overworking and over worrying to no end without any meaningful return.

It is time that I will try learn to live and love. And it starts this 2023.

Of course, I will have to earn my keep… but I won’t go crazy with it. I’ll get by.

But most importantly, I’ll be living a little.

At any rate, 2022 has been a topsy turvy year. It had its ups and downs, its dramas and success story. I can’t change was has been written, nor would I want to change where I am in my life right now. I am thankful for all the people that come and went. The lessons I was taught and the lessons I taught others. More meaningful connections have grown and I have found new confidants in a number of people.

Thank you for what has been, 2022. Thank you for what could have been but didn’t come to be.

I leave 2022 behind now and start 2023 from scratch. With my mom, with my daughter. Anew.